These next few were written by ballerina's sister...

Dec 9, 2005

MY NAME IS YVONNE I AM GILLIANS SISTER. I FOUND THIS LINK ON GILS FAVOURITES/HISTORY IN HER LAPTOP. IT LOGGED ME IN AUTOMATICALLY. SORRY IF I AM INTRUDING BUT I AM HONESTLY NOT HERE TO JUDGE ANYONE.

THIS IS A POST FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW MY SISTER SHE IS IN INTENSIVE CARE YET AGAIN AS A RESULT OF ANOREXIA, SHE WAS ADMITTED ON WEDNESDAY AS SHE WAS VOMITING BLOOD. THEY GAVE HER TEN UNITS OF BLOOD YESTERDAY ALONE. THIS MORNING AT 4AM SHE HAD A RESPIRATORY ARREST. SHE IS BACK ON THE VENTILATOR FOR HER BREATHING. THE DOCTOR SEEMS TO THINK GILLIAN MAY HAVE RUPTURED HER OESOPHOGUS WHILST ATTEMPTING TO 'THROW UP' HER FEED. SHE HAD BEEN AT HOME WITH NURSE SUPERVISION BUT WAS ALLOWED TIME ON HER OWN IN THE BATH,SO ITS THE ONLY TIME I THINK SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THIS. I HAD NO IDEA SHE HAD BEEN DOING THIS, EVERYONE WAS JUST PLEASED SHE HAD BEEN TAKING HER FEED.

SHE GOT WEIGHED YESTERDAY AND GOT CAUGHT AS SHE DESCRIBED IT, SHE HAD BEEN DRINKING 2LITRES OF WATER BEFORE SHE GOT WEIGHED. YESTERDAY THEY WEIGHED HER UNEXPECTIDLY. SHE ONLY WEIGHS 57LBS. 4 STONES 1 POUND,

WHY IS THIS ILLNESS DESTROYING MY SISTER, WHY CANT SHE BE RECOVERED? I TRY SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND, I REALLY DO. WE SHARE EVERYTHING. SHE HAS SHOWED ME HER PRO ANNA FOLDERS, I TRY NOT TO JUDGE OR CRY WHEN I SEE THE WORDS OF HATE AND DISTRESS SCRIBBLED ON HER NOTE BOOK. EVERYONE KNOWS SHE COMES TO THESE SITES, BUT GIL SAYS ITS NOT ABOUT COMPETING ITS ABOUT SUPPORT AND I BELIEVE HER. I BELIEVE STRONGLY AFTER GOING THROUGH ANOREXIA 11YEARS WITH GIL THAT IF YOU ARE EATING DISORDERED YOU NEED NO TIPS OR TRICKS ON HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT. I DONT BELIEVE IN THE END IT IS ABOUT WEIGHT. I DONT KNOW I JUST WISH THERE WAS A PILL A INJECTION SOMETHING TO TAKE THE HURT AWAY.

I KNOW SHE IS STILL TAKING THEY DAMN DIET PILLS! I FOUND THEM TONIGHT. INFORMATION ON THEM WOULD BE APPRECIATED. I HAVE TO CONSIDER WITHER OR NOT TO SAY TO THE DOCTOR.

HOODIA MAX, EPHREDINE, THERMO 3, BIOLEXIN. ALL THESE BOTTLES ARE HALF EMPTY SO I COULDNT SAY HOW MANY SHE HAS BEEN TAKING. PLEASE DONT FEEL LIKE YOU WILL BE BETRAYING HER BY TELLING ME, YOU MAY ULTIMATELY SAVE HER LIFE.

I FEEL AS THOUGH THE SYSTEM IS GIVING UP ON MY SISTER, SHE IS STILL SECTIONED UNDER THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT BUT BECAUSE SHE HAS ATTEMPTED SUICIDE NO ONE WILL TAKE HER AT ANY TREATMENT FACILITY. THE ONLY OPTION IS A LOCKED PSYCHIATRIC UNIT. MY FAMILY AND GILLIANS LAWYER ARE FIGHTING THIS. SHE IS SUICIDLE BECAUSE SHE IS ILL, SHE IS NOT CRAZY!

I KNOW IF SHE GETS THROUGH THIS SHE WILL READ THIS,BUT....... I ONLY DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT YOU. I WANT MY SISTER BACK.

Dec 11, 2005

I AM SO VERY GRATEFUL FOR YOUR REPLYS.
GILLIAN REMAINS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME TODAY, SHE IS TO HAVE A BRAIN CT SCAN TOMORROW AS THEY WANT TO ASSESS WHETHER OR NOT THERE HAS BEEN ANY DAMAGE. THEY HAVE INSERTED A DRIP INTO HER NECK WHICH IS GIVING HER CONTINUOS NUTRIENTS AS WELL AS HER NASO TUBE.
THE NEXT 24/48 HOURS ARE CRITICAL, THE DOCTORS HAVE TOLD MY FAMILY HER BODY MAY BE TO WEAK TO FIGHT. SHE IS A FIGHTER THOUGH AND SHE HAS CAME THROUGH SO MUCH. PLEASE PRAY FOR HER.
I KNOW HOW TIRED SHE IS, BUT I HOPE AND PRAY ONE DAY SHE WILL FIND THE STRENGTH TO MAYBE REGAIN SOME SENSE OF LIVING.
I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES, HOW MUCH WOULD THEY MISS YOU IF YOU WERE GONE. EACH OF YOU ARE SOMEONES DAUGHTER, SON, MOTHER, FATHER,SISTER BROTHER. THINK HOW THEY WOULD FEEL WITHOUT YOU AROUND. YOU ARE ALL SPECIAL WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR EATING DISORDERS.
I AM BEING SELFISH, I WANT GILLIAN TO LIVE FOR ME, I WANT HER TO BE ALIVE FOR ME, I COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT HER. I HAVE ALREADY LOST MY MUM IT WOULD TEAR ME APART TO LOSE MY BIG SISTER.

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ME COMING ON HERE AFTER CHATTING WITH A FEW PEOPLE, AND IM NOT QUITE SURE ITS APPROPRIATE. I FEEL AS THOUGH IM INVADING GILS PRIVACY, SHE FEELS SAFE HERE AND I WANT THAT TO CONTINUE....IF AND WHEN SHE GETS WELL.
I HAVE NOT READ ANY OF HER POSTS OR ANYONE ELSES AS I FEEL LIKE THAT WOULD BE LIKE READING HER DIARY.

HOWEVER I WILL LEAVE MY EMAIL FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO CONTACT ME.

THE ONLY WAY I WILL COME BACK TO POST IS IF SOMETHING HAPPENS....OTHERWISE GIL WILL BE BACK HERSELF

Dec 14, 2005

I kNOW I WASNT GOING TO POST HERE ANYMORE BUT GILLIANS CONDITION HAS DETERIORATED SIGNIFICANTLY.


GILLIAN HAD HER BRAIN SCAN ON MONDAY MORNING

i got a call from the Doctor telling me her blood pressure was dropping and she would most likely not make it through the night. He also told me her EEG test was not good, (this test was taken in the ICU unit) that it showed few brain waves and they were diminishing. The Doctor told me she would not wake up, but if she did she would be a vegetable. When we got there, her blood pressure had was 60/30 normal limits are around 120/70 i think. They gave her some type of medicine that brought it back up. They also gave her a blood transfusion because she had a low blood count. From the way the Doctor had talked to me on the phone, I thought that this was it she was was dying! It turned out that she had contracted sveere pnuemonia!!! The Doctor than said that her vitals signs were poor, with a high fever. He told me that he still believed "IF" she woke up she would be a vegetable for the rest of her life .

I AM SORRY TO HAVE TO WRITE THIS TO YOU ALL.

PLEASE BE CAREFUL THE UNTIMATE PERFECTION IS NOT DEATH, GILLIAN WEIGHS 54LBS AS OF MONDAY PERFECTION OR NOT?

I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT I AM IN SHOCK.

I HAVE HER MOBLIE IF ANYONE WANTS TO CONTCT ME FOR THOSE WHO HAVE HER NUMBER.

Jan 23, 2006

THIS IS YVONNE. I AM SORRY I HAVE TAKEN SO LONG TO GET BACK TO YOU ALL IN REGARDS TO HOW GILLIAN IS. AS YOU ALL KNOW SHE WAS VERY SICK. SHE HAS BEEN IN A COMA ON A VENTILATOR SINCE BEGINNING OF DECEMBER. IT HAS BEEN A VERY STRESSFUL TIME FOR ALL MY FAMILY.
SHE HAS HAD NUMEROUS CT SCANS AND HAS COMLETE KIDNEY FAILURE AGAIN. WE DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE KINDER IF ANYTHING WAS TO HAPEN TO GIL TO LET HER GO. SHE WAS READ HER LAST RIGHTS OVER THE HOLIDAYS.

HOWEVER THE LAST WEEK SHE HAS SHOWN SOME IMPROVEMENT. HER BLOOD GASES HAVE BEEN BETTER AND SHE CAME OFF THE VENTILAATOR YESTERDAY MORNING. THE CT SCAN SHOWS LITLE BRAIN ACTIVITY WHICH IS BETTER THAN BEFORE. SHE HAS OPENED HER EYES A FEW TIMES BUT STILL UNABLE TO MOVE ANY OF HER LIMBS. THE DOCTOR IS UNSURE IF THIS IS DUE TO THE STROKE AND WHETHER IT WILL BE PERMANENT.
SHE IS ON NEW MEDICATION TO HELP WITH HER HEART AND POTASSIUM LEVELS.
ITS NOW JUST A MATTER OF TIME. WE ARE UNSURE IF SHE WILL REMAIN PARALYSED OR IT IS DIRECT RESULT OF MUSCLE WASTAGE.
AT LEAST FOR THE MOMENT SHE IS BREATHING ON HER OWN WITH THE HELP OF A CPAP MACHINE.

I THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS AND EMAILS. I HAVE READ EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM AND PRINTED OFFF MESSAGES FOR GILLIAN. I READ THEM TO HER. I WILL AT SOME POINT REPLY TO ALL THE EMAILS I RECIEVED BUT I AM JUST EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME. AND DIDNT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO POST OR REPLY

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT

I KNOW GIL WOULD BE VERY HEARTENED TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ALL CARE FOR HER.

UPDATE 4TH FEBRUARY



HI ALL,

I THOUGHT I WOULD POST AN UPDATE ON GILLIAN. ALL YOUR KIND WARM WISHES HAVE PAID OFF. I BELIEVE VERY MUCH THERE IS A BUTTERFLY WATCHING OVER HER. SHE IS CONSCIOUS, AND AWARE OF THINGS AROUND HER AND ALTHOUGH STILL UNABLE TO MOVE OR SPEAK SHE IS COMMUNICATING THROUGH BLINKING. I DID A SEARCH THE OTHER DAY ON HERE FOR HER NAME AND ANY POST ABOUT OR FOR HER AND I PRINTED THEM OFF. I SAT LAST NIGHT AND READ THEM ALL TO HER. SHE CRIED. I PRINTED OFF THE PICTURE OF HER GYMNASTICS WITH THE BUTTERFLY WINGS DONE FOR HER IT IS NOW ABOVE HER BED AND TAKES PROUD PLACE ALONGSIDE HER POINTE SHOES WHICH ARE HANGING BESIDE HER.
I MUST SAY I AM IN COMPLETE AWE OF THE SUPPORT YOU HAVE SHOWN HER.
SHE STILL HAS A LONG WAY TO GO, UNFORTUNATELY HER KIDNEY IS NOT WORKING(WELL MY KIDNEY) SO SHE IS STILL ON DIALYSIS. SHE IS BREATHING BETTER WITH THE CPAP MACHINE ALTHOUGH RESEMBLES DARTH VADER. SHE MUCH TO HER ANNOYANCE HAS GAINED TO 71LBS AND IS STARTING TO GET SOME COLOUR BACK IN HER FACE. HER BRAIN ACTIVITY IS REALITVELY NORMAL ACCORDING TO THE DOCTOR ALTHOUGH SHE IS HAVE GRAND MAL SEIZURES WHICH ARE LIKELY TO BE PERMANENT. HER POTASSIUM IS UP TO 1.9 AND HER LIVER FUNCTION TEST ARE IMPROVING.
HER HEART IS STILL BEATING IRREGULAR BUT AGAIN THE DOCTOR SAID THIS WILL BE PERMANET.

ALL IN ALL SHE IS FIGHTING HARD, AND HAS BEEN DELIGHTED BY THE NEWS OF MY PREGNANCY. IM HOPING THIS WILL HELP HER MAINTAIN SOME LEVEL OF WELL BEING AS I KNOW SHE WILL BE A GREAT AUNTY.

IF SHE CONTINUES TO IMPROVE OVER THE WEEKEND SHE WILL BE MOVED FROM HDU THEN HOPEFULLY LONG TERM TO A WARD OR A SPECIALIST UNIT AS SHE IS STILL DETAINED UNDER THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT.

I THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR YOUR SUPPORT. THIS HAS CERTAINLY BEEN AN EYE OPENER FOR ME ON THE WHOLE 'PRO ANA' SUBJECT.

TAKE CARE AND KEEP SAFE

UPDATE 3 MARCH

SORRY TO HAVE TAKEN SO LONG AGAIN TO REPLY IM NOT VERY GOOD AT POSTING AND IT TAKES ME AGES TO DO

GILLIAN IS DOING REALLY WELL. SHE IS CONSCIOUS FULLY. AND ABLE TO SPEAK ALTHOUGH SLURRED. SHE IS STILL ON THE CPAP (LIKE PRESSURED OXYGEN MASK) BECAUSE OF MUSCLE WEAKNESS HER BREATHING AND ASTHMA AINT TOO GOOD. THEY FITTED HER WITH A PORTACATH (NEEDLE STRAIGHT INTO HER HEART) WHICH SHE IS GETTING DRUGS THROUGH TO REGULATE HER HEART BEAT,THIS WILL BE FOR LIFE. THE PHYSIOS ARE IN WITH HER 3X A DAY TRYING TO WORK ON THE ATROPATHY(I THINK THATS WHAT THEY SAID IT WAS CALLED). HER KIDNEY IS STILL NOT GREAT AND SHE STILL ON DIALYSIS. BUT THEY ARE HOPING THAT IMPROVES WITH MEDICATION AND TIME.
HER WEIGHT IS AROUND 71LBS STILL WHICH AS YOU CAN PROBABLY IMAGINE SHE IS NOT AT AL PLEASED AT. SHE HAS PROMISED ME THAT SHE WILL TRY AND KEEP IT THERE FOR ME AND MY BABY. IM NOT SURE THE PSYCHIATRISTS WILL NOT HAVE HER GAIN UP TO A HEALTHIER WEIGHT AS SHE IS STILL ON A COMPULSORY TREATMENT AND FEEDING ORDER BY THE COURT. THEY INCREASE HER FEED BY 75MLS DAILY. WHICH CAUSES LOTS OF TEARS.

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR YOUR SUPPORT

I really Hope she can pull through this. This just goes to show you how seriouse eating disorders can be....